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Husband Hunts Too Much? Advice For The Hunting Widow

Updated on November 19, 2016
donotfear profile image

Annette Sharp holds a BAAS in Behavioral Science from Texas A&M. She is a counselor and motivator with an empathetic heart.

Blood thirsty and defiant!
Blood thirsty and defiant!

You've come to the right place! First, let me reassure you: you aren't alone. Many women face the same dilemma, year after year. A man obsessed with deer hunting can have a negative effect on the family.

But then, again, it isn't always a bad thing. It could be much worse.

He could be an alcoholic, drug addict or abuser.

He could chase women, cheat on his taxes or blow his money.

But he doesn’t do those things. He just hunts in all his spare time during deer season, hog season, duck season, and whatever-other-critters-are-left season.

Now that’s not so bad, is it?

The Positive and Negative Side of Hunting

When you weigh the positive aspect of an obsessive hunter with the negative points of the preoccupation, the positive points far outweigh the negative. How can I say that?

Mainly, hunting is a healthy sport. He gets plenty of exercise hauling a deer stand around on his back for endless miles in the wilderness [sarcasm]. He gets to wade water, climb trees and drag dead carcasses for miles through the woods. Best of all, he can stay awake for long hours with minimal sleep without falling out of the tree stand.

That’s all pretty physical, so it could be called positive, healthy behavior. But how do you deal with a man who’s obsessed with deer hunting?


Follow These Simple Steps

One: Don’t take it personally that he finds deer more appealing than you for four months out of the year. This, too, shall pass.

Two: Indulge yourself in your own hobby and don’t worry about it! You have the right to be obsessed about something, too!

Three: Don’t gripe because he’s away most of the time. Enjoy it! Make the most of the time to yourself! Grab a friend, take a trip, spend money, watch ‘Thelma & Louise’! Enjoy the solitude.

Four: Act interested in everything he says about deer. Ask stupid questions like, “Did the deer run when it saw you?” or, you can ask, “How many Bambi deer did you kill today?

Five: Don’t worry about supper being ready at a certain time. You know he won’t come home at the same time every day. Be selfish. Fix what you want. He can eat sardines and crackers when he comes home.

Six: Last, but not least, tell him the bloody buck is fantastic and you’re proud of him. (Gag, gag, vomit, vomit). Then, you won’t need to stay for the de-gutting process.

Finally ...

Ar you fired up yet? Ready to hit the shopping outlets at full speed? Why not!!!! Every woman has a choice. Make the most of it!

It’s not easy dealing with a hunting-obsessed man. You learn to weigh the pros and cons of both sides of the obsession. Once you learn the balance, you'll come out ahead. Acquire the coping skills needed, follow these suggestions, and you’ll soon learn how to deal with an obsessed hunter.

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    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 8 months ago from The Boondocks

      lacey: Are you kidding me? Acting dumb and shopping is fun! Whoo hoo....no standing by whimpering.

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      lacey 8 months ago

      Are you kidding me, act dumb and go shopping is your advise.

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 11 months ago from The Boondocks

      AS the author, I thought I'd better hide the identity of the person in the photos. Don't want to rock the boat.

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 11 months ago from The Boondocks

      Well honey, life is never fair. If you don't like to hunt, you'd be bored to death 'tagging along'. Make the most of what you have now, enjoy yourself, and by all means, continue your life.

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      Seekinganswers1 11 months ago

      I want to know if this is something that regularly happens to other people with husbands that hunt. My husband wants to go on an "all guys" hunting trip but one of the other guys girlfriends also gets to go because she is hunting. I don't think it's fair that the other girl gets to join in on the hunting trip while I am stuck home with a baby. I don't think it's fair that girls tag along. It's supposed to be all guys, if one girl goes I think we all should be able to go. I am sure I could find a mall around the hunting property. Am I wrong?

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 11 months ago from The Boondocks

      Yeah a mental . It's usually rooted in some other deep seated emotional trauma. (violins) Mine copped out on me due to his own inadequacy to process resentment and anger; not hunting related. Amazing what a little Sasquatch testosterone will do.

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      AloneinCanada 11 months ago

      I am seeing a theme here and two varieties of hunters - regular and obsessed. I have spent the last six years of my life with the obsessed variety, feeling very, very alone. When it becomes an obsession should it not be viewed a mental illness and treated as such. From what I have experienced and am reading here this obsession certainly creates the same havoc and destruction to marriage and family as most other mental illnesses. For some guys it moves from being just a hobby to becoming a real and serious problem.

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      donotfear 14 months ago from The Boondocks

      Frustrated: You are not alone. I'm sorry to know that you have been brushed aside. God help you cope.

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      Frustrated 14 months ago

      What a load of crap. It's awful that he's gone practically every weekend and then crabby when he gets back because all his familial responsibilities catch up to him. He was hunting and had to be found when his first child was born. Now he's attending a wedding of one of his buds and I'm not going because I don't know any of these people. I'm so tired of acting like none of this bothers me.

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      Donewithit 21 months ago

      Ladies & Gentlemen too:

      I've been there done that. It doesn't get better. Life is about balance. When you are so obsessed with something that you ignore your wife & kids, and home responsibilities then you are out of balance. Marriages cannot sustain that. My husband is doing just that. When we were dating he was completely different. Said he would give up everything for me. I never expected him to give up hunting, but I expected a balanced life. Now he could care less what I think. He also tells me to get a hobby, which I have, but he complains that I make a mess and am ruining the house because I like to paint. He always finds a way to ruin my girls weekend, because he doesn't want to be alone with the kids. The kids actually hate him now. They see him for what he is: A selfish, self-centered man. Ladies-google narcissist. It may give you some insight.

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      Starting out 22 months ago

      And I am so so sorry to hear about your marriage. You seem very kind. I have said prayers for you.

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      Starting Out 22 months ago

      I have been dating a guy for nearly a year and hunting season is now in full swing. I can't believe how much time he spends on it and how obsessed he is. I have been deer hunting with him because he wanted me to try it. It is like watching paint dry. You sit there cold for hours. He has hunted all his life and is allegedly "cutting back" for me but I think the cutting back is still ridiculous. He goes every weekend and has used his vacations only for hunting. I'm concerned this will only get worse and he talks a lot about marriage. I told him my concerns. I think addiction to anything is not healthy for a relationship. I asked him how he would feel if I shopped for hours and hours every week, spent hundreds of dollars a month and took long trips to shop and spend money. He said he would run. Exactly my point.....

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 23 months ago from The Boondocks

      As the author of this article, I regret to say that I am no longer married to my obsessed hunter. It had nothing to do with hunting, but everything to do with HIM.

      Unfortunately, my obsessed hunter chose to resign as my husband. His attitude became so hateful toward me I felt as if I was walking on eggshells. As his resentment toward me grew, he became indifferent, cold, and uncaring. As I said before, our separation and divorce had nothing to do with his obsession with hunting.

      Here is my message for the readers here. I tell you this just as I tell my students in Anger Management. When you have conflict and resentment toward your significant other and you don't process it and resolve the issue, you develop a calloused resentment in your heart toward him. When your attempts to discuss and resolve your problems are met with his unwillingness to listen, accept, acknowledge, and affirm the conflict, then you are faced with the fact that you have an unwilling partner; one who is not capable of communicating and forgiving.

      When this situation occurs, your partner builds resentment in his heart toward you. The indifference becomes so hardened, that HE LOSES HIS LOVE FOR YOU. When your significant other holds on to his anger and resentment toward you for so long and continually REFUSES OUTSIDE HELP OR COUNSELING, it becomes a no-win situation for you. It will come to the point that you are living in a passive-aggressive hostile environment. He'll eventually blow. Then your'e faced with no other choice.

      This is what happened to me. I did not want a divorce, I believe we should have stayed together and worked through the resentment. HE CHOSE TO GIVE UP. Not I. And after 2 and a half years of separation while I lived with my aging/dying father, working a job I hated, struggling to find a better job, dealing with an addict daughter, focusing on the stability of my grandson.......HE adjusted to life without me in it. HE went on, regardless of what was happening with me; even though he was morally and spiritually obligated to remain accountable to me. And the pressure after the death of my father, him urgently handing me a check to pay for my lawyer saying "you file...I'll pay for it". I got divorced.

      Three years of unprocessed grief cam pouring out of me. I bought a house, got a new job, changed everything in 4 months time. Then major depression came and it was a sad day when I realized I had been dumped by my husband.

      For all of you, please do the best you can to communicate with our spouse, get counseling, stay focused on your commitment. I don't want anyone to experience the grief and betrayal I have felt the last year. Lord help you.

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      Megan.pb.Myers@gmail.com 23 months ago

      I've just got to say that my husband is 'addicted' to hunting. It has broken our family. We have a 3 and 6 year old and because of hunting, I am a married 'single' mom at least 25% of the year. Its a feeling of abandonment. This marriage isn't going to last too much longer.

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      Quackers 23 months ago

      Yea, this would all be great advice except a couple points.... A) hunters blow a ton of money. Guns, ammo, bows restrung, clothing, descent products, stands, climbing sticks, trips out of town (and out of state) all of this costs a ton of money. And b) hunting widows with children get zero free time when dad's gone all the time, many of us can't have a hobby because we are now single parents for at least 4 months....

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      Cnn727 24 months ago

      Pretty sure this was written by a husband/hunter....

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      widow 2 years ago

      4.5 years ago I lost my best friend, my husband in an accident. Our daughter was 9 months old. I recently started dating and the man I've been seeing the last 6 months or so works all the time and otherwise gets ready to hunt. I'm a vegetarian and have a ridiculous bleeding heart, I can't imagine killing a living creature. I don't even squash bugs, spiders completely freak me out but I catch & release vs kill it, yes I realize that seems extreme but I was taught to respect life.

      We never see each other and it sucks that he would rather use a 3 day weekend to hunt, I offered to go with him but I'm not invited. Pretty sure we are in the midst of a breakup. His response is that I'm trying to start a fight. When we are together, life is good but I'm sick of feeling like he's ok with blowing me off to shoot birds.

      My husband was an excellent marksman but he always wanted to hang out with me. We were inseparable so this odd relationship is eating me up.

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 2 years ago from The Boondocks

      1sttimedatingahunter:

      Yes......That's normal behavior for anyone who has an addiction; to anything. If you find yourself falling in love, back off now or you're in for many lonely nights. If you're already independent and it doesn't bother you, make that choice.

      Sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

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      1sttimedatingahunter 2 years ago

      I have been with this guy for about 5 months now. I had never dated a hunter before, he did tell me he was a big time hunter but I didnt know what that meant till I went to his house for the first time. He was definitely obsessed and it's not just deer hunting, all year long it's something. I'm totally independent and have my own hobbies so it doesn't bother me but what does is we live an hour and half apart and we used to only see each other once a week. I haven't seen him for a few weeks now. What does bother me is that I have only got one text from him in the last week, is that normal for a hunter?

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 2 years ago from The Boondocks

      GREAT ADVICE FROM TARA!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT.

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      tara 2 years ago

      Im the wife of an OBSESSED hunter and a mother of 3. I've been married for 13 years. Here's my advice:

      1. If you are not married to him and you are unhappy get out NOW! Run don't walk. It does not get better with time; it gets worse. Having kids or getting married does NOT make it better. It makes your role much harder and strains the relationship even more. Resentment inevitably sets in.

      2. If you love your man and you are not leaving, ever heard " If you can't beat them join them" ? I tried this tactic. I took up bowhunting...taught myself to shoot and everything. I am not as avid as my husband about going, but I do hunt recreationally when I have time, and we go together occasionally when our schedules permit.... even go on hunting weekends together. I can attest to the awesome feeling that comes with shooting a buck with a bow at 20 or 30 yards.

      3. Regardless, don't let your identity and self worth be defined by your husband. Pursue your own interests. Mine are fitness, travel, fine dining, college football, and watersports. If he gets a trip, I plan one for me! I prefer to go on a cruise rather than a hunting trip....so I go with my friends and he watches the kids. He doesn't like it. He says it's not the same....I dont care... Don't be a pushover! I decided a long time ago to pursue my own happiness. I will not be kept "barefoot and pregnant". I have found this mindset and demeanor has actually been beneficial in the relationship....it keeps him intrigued and interested. Sometimes he doesnt go hunting to accompany me to an event. For example, he gave up hunting the second weekend of Nov. With a full moon and the deer in full rut to go to a football game with the kids and I and many mutual friends.

      Hope this helps :)

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      Nancy 2 years ago

      I've been dating a man for almost 10 years since I lost my husband 14 years ago. He is an obsessed hunter. My son got married last Saturday and instead of attending the wedding, he chose to hunt. I know I need to break up with him but I don't want to be alone. But I am alone. Haven't seen him for more than 2 weeks. He lives 1 1/2 hrs away and doesn't visit except for a few days a month from Sept til January.

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      Erica 3 years ago

      It bothers me that you've compared hunting to the primal instinct of man and that we mustn't go against nature and let them be men. The primal instinct Im assuming your talking about is referring back to ancient times when cavemen hunted their prey. What your failing to comprehend is that, in fact, it was a caveman's primal instinct not to hunt for sport, but to hunt in order to provide for his family. Much MUCH different then the hunting obsessed men YOU are referring to. Hunting in real life in fact goes against all primal instincts of caveman hunting in that it doesn't at all provide for your family. Instead, it takes away precious time you could be spending building memories with your little ones. It is heavy on finances too. So don't try and sell me that "we can only eat when we hunt" bull... A shopping cart used to get a couple pounds of steak is free. Compare that to the top of the line bow, arrows, bait, trail cameras, tree stands, hunting gear, camouflage, etc, etc, etc that sets a Hunter and his family back oh about a thousand of those steaks from the grocery store. My boyfriend and his father don't just hunt... they eat, breathe, sleep, dream, drink, drive, smoke, and blink hunting. Its obnoxious. Is it the primal instinct of a man to buy food for a deer but forget that his son needs milk and baby food? As I sit home with our 1 year old, watching him take his first steps, say his first words, and give me a hug... I wonder how anyone would pass those moments up to for a bleeping buck! I did find my obsession, it's my son. I am a mother, my boyfriend is a Hunter. End of story. I used to not mind hunting, now I despise it.

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      Amy 3 years ago

      Ive been dating my boyfriend 10 months and he warned me about long days away for hunting. However, he told me last night he was going hunting a few days and would be back after Christmas. I was outraged, and told him if he goes on Christmas, he can forget about us. He decided not to go, but he is acting resentful towards me today. Now I'm wondering if this is just hopeless relationship.

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      Nomoreplease 3 years ago

      I have been married for 16 years have 2 teenagers let me just say to you young girls who are just girlfriends get out now forget the love. The average girl falls in love 5 times in a lifetime. This one is just practice for what you don't want in life. My husband hunts fishes golfs watches all football games with friends any sport he can do. I use to be a pretty independent women I turned into a full time bill payer house cleaner baby sitter the disaplinaring taxi cab driver who is just old and tired now. My husband works hard and has a great personality and I love him very much I don't mind his habits now as much the kids are grown practically but when they were little and I worked to the weekends and nights were pure hell. I had no time for myself I was busy taking care of everything and the kids. If I had it to do over I would have not went on a second date with him. He is very sorry now and often apologizes for his actions when we were raising a family. Doesn't hunt as much becouse he is afraid I might be out dancing with friends. I am telling you it has been the biggest fight of our marriage. Don't marry anyone who doesn't make you his first priority and latter when the kids come and love there daddy you won't have the heart to leave him after all the kids don't understand. Do not marry a addicted sportsman take it from me life is to short to spend the best years of your life waiting for him to choose you just once. Your parents will come take care of you when you are sick becouse it's deer season your friends will drive you home from giving birth becouse it's gulf season and he needs to celebrate the birth! Trust me

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 3 years ago from The Boondocks

      Huntersgf: If you're comfortable with the way the situation is now, then no need to change it. It sounds to me like you may be second guessing the relationship, which I would too. He thinks hunting is more important and doesn't want to include you at this time.

      I can make a suggestion: why not offer to provide cooking or helping out at the camp, if you like to camp?

      The fact that he hasn't wanted to include in meeting the family is a concern. It's obviously not important to him. Keep in mind that if you continue with him and it proves to be long term, don't expect him to change for you. It would need to be his choice.

      There's more than one fish in the sea. Wink.....Good luck.

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      Huntersgf 3 years ago

      My bf and I will have been together for a year next month and so far I don't mind his being gone on the weekends. My problem is that I want to go with him to see if I will enjoy it and he won't take me! So far all I've gotten out of him is "after thanksgiving"(apparently it's considered rude to bring a non paying guest to a deer lease before then, to give the paying guys a chance, although I don't know what makes him think I'll actually shoot anything considering I've never shot a rifle before, and he hasn't mentioned teaching me to do so), he knows I need to schedule time off well in advance at work because of strict policies and if I wait too long they can say no. I love camping and being outside, but had no hunters in my family so I've never had this opportunity before. I don't think I'll have a problem with killing an animal(he only kills what he will eat), but he claims he has a strict you kill it, you clean it policy and I don't know if I can handle that part of things(maybe If I throw up on it he will alter that policy ;-p). He's been gone every weekend since bow season started with the exception of last weekend, he stayed home because my roommates and I went all out decorating for a halloween party and knew I would be upset if he left. His deer leases are both within a few hours of home and he never goes out of state. He usually has a friend that went with him on occasion, but that friend has been a jerk lately and he's been going alone this year(which worries me to no end because there is no phone reception where he is at). He has mentioned wanting a family(2 kids to be exact) and I've tried to make it clear that if we have kids it will be HIS decision because I have zero maternal instincts and to be honest pregnancy terrifies me(my family has a history of complicated pregnancies, miscarriages, etc. I have no doubt that I will develop maternal instincts and I know I will love any kids we have, but I will absolutely NOT be stuck at home with kids(that he wanted) and housework along with a full time job, while he's gone all fall/winter. I dont think I will mind every other weekend or something similar which may be something we have to work out if we get to that point. Maybe I'll really take to hunting and we will have to rotate who goes and who statys to watch the kids. ...I also have not gotten to meet his parents or a single one of his 4 sisters, yet I've made sure he's met my family and he mentioned his dad and stepmom wanting to go to dinner months ago yet he hasn't arranged anything yet(thinking about connecting with his stepmom on Facebook and setting up dinner on a weeknight and just telling him after it's set up?) And he also starts fishing as soon as deer season is over, but we live next to a lake and I go with him all the time for that, I just take a book to read, the fish aren't disturbed by my reading light, and I'm sure it's quite amusing to listen to me talking to/yelling at the fish when I hook one lol.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Well, Sue, I think you've answered your own question. If you've already been in therapy working this out and have come to this conclusion, it's a good sign you are beginning to look objectively at the marriage and weigh the pros and cons.

      If your son doesn't like hunting he shouldn't be forced to go just because "the family of men" want him to enjoy as much as they do. He's probably bored to death with it. Your husband can't make the child like something he's not interested in.

      You can't be his "mom". He's grown, makes his own decisions. He's willfully choosing to hunt. You can't make him stay home, but you can ask him "How about we .....such such ...this weekend".

      Weigh your options and your feelings carefully, my friend. You absolutely do need to put your foot down and say ," this isn't fair to your family..." You need to tell him how it's affecting you, your life and your feelings for him. Communicate.

      Good luck...keep working through this.

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      Sue 4 years ago

      I found this site by looking for suggestions to set up a "plan" with my husband for hunting season because I am already at my mental and emotional limit and hunting season has barely "technically" started. (It's been going on for months already at our house, planting, building, etc. as others have described.)

      Instead of suggestions, I find a lot of people saying that things may have gone too far already. Sure, there were a few suggestions, and for the most part I could agree with donotfear about "go do your own thing." That's what I used to do before we had our son. Now that we have him (he's 7), he has become hubby's convenient excuse. "If I take the boy, do you mind if I go hunting?" My answer was usually, "no, go do whatever you want," since 1) moms can always use some "mommy time", and 2) I thought he was passing on a love of the outdoors, etc. But my son has started refusing to go, and that has really put a wedge between hubby and I - because now it seems like it is me that has the choice to "let" him go hunting while I stay home and do chores, take care of our son, do homework with him, drive him to activities, etc., or "make" hubby stay home and pout.

      Maybe my son's attitude will be temporary, but my husband and his brother have three sons between them, all within 18 months of each other, and I know they are counting on the boys growing up loving hunting as much as they do. They own property and always consider "improving" it to be something that will benefit the boys as well. So if our son does not like hunting, it will be a blow to my husband and I am worried that he will spend less and less time with both of us.

      I seriously think about divorce sometimes, for this and other reasons, but specific to the hunting I would almost love to see him have to stick to a schedule like an every-other-week custody arrangement. Except I wouldn't love it, because he would do a crappy job and my son would be miserable and that would hurt me. I have been working hard on therapy, etc. and separating my happiness from other people's feelings, but I think there is a certain amount of connection with your child's happiness that is natural, so I have a hard time trying to shut that off.

      As I reread this, it makes me think maybe I need to be my husband's parent as well, and put my foot down and say, "no, this isn't fair to your family..." which is what I was looking for help to do. Guess I'll keep looking because otherwise this addiction has a good chance of ruining our family. And no, he wasn't like this when we married, but he has an addictive personality and was a workaholic and addicted to golf when he worked in the golf business. At least then he took showers and shaved and cared about how he looked! And it was something I didn't mind doing with him. Maybe it was partly losing his connection to that industry (economic downturn) that got him to transfer the addiction over to hunting. I agree that he needs something that is "his" - I think everyone does - but the burden of parenting is too much on me the way things are now. I deserve some time, too. So the one helpful comment I read above is to keep track of the hours as a way to dialogue about what is going on and to try to keep things more balanced. Any other ideas?

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      Sarah 4 years ago

      No worries, donotfear.. The thing i dont understand is that if anyone is so miserable being in a relationship with someone (and considering there's no religion that requires you to remain married, or whateve r), then why would u stay with them?!! Obviously, its not always easy to leave their selfish partner when their relationship has absolutely no hope, but seriously, the sooner u leave his arse, the better! And onviously, they dont deserve u, so show them the friggen door already!! :)

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Sarah, thanks for you input. The views on this article always rise around hunting season.....go figure!

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      Sarah 4 years ago

      I stumbled across this article, and its AMAZING to discover how many other women are in the same situation as me! But i have a two, and a three year old to my hunting bf.. I can relate to many of you, but 'donotfear', you really caught my attention.. I'm in the exact same situation as you- despite giving my bf a second chance at our relationship. Anyway, NEVER ever settle for second best. We deserve better! I have been hunting before, and yeah, its fun.. in small doses! (2 days or so at one time), but not to the point that you're missing out on some of the mos important yeqrs of your childrens lives- not to the poimt where you own family comes second best!!! But, theres no point getting upset about it- if your partner cannot compromise, then its time to decide whether you're truly going to be happy remaining in this hunting-obsessed relationship or not. If not, then its important that you do what makes you happy.. Life's too short to stuff around and be unhappy!! :)

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Alice: It sounds to me like you are the victim of spousal abuse, neglect and abandonment. This is much more than a man going off hunting; this is abandonment and selfishness, to say the least. Very dishonorable.

      I'm sorry you are being treated this way. I pray you have family to lean on or can take a good, long look at your situation, weigh your options and look at the possibility of change in the immediate future.

      Good luck to you..

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      alice 4 years ago

      Excuse me, are you saying I should console myself with the fact that he isn't committing crime like using drugs or beating me? News flash buck head: this is not AD 1450, or Talibanist Afghanistan, and it's he that ought to be grateful he doesn't smoke crack or smack me around because I'd see him in prison and clean his financial clock to boot.

      Don't tell me to find my own hobbies when there are small children at home and I'm the only reliably present grown-up for four months of the year. Just. Don't. Do. That. Don't say babysitter either, because all that money to pay one with got spent, along with anything I would spend on a hobby if I had time for one, on this year's tags, equipment, truck repairs, ammo and gas.

      Women tend to take it personally when their favorite person stops caring whether they exist or not and would rather run to the wilderness than spend time with them for a significant time of the year. Perhaps you do not inflict the same kind of complete emotional and physical abandonment upon your spouse as mine does on me, so you are not seeing the kind of hurt you are telling me to get over. Let's see, how about taking the only family vehicle out hunting for 2 weeks leaving the little woman and kids to walk 5 miles one way for a gallon of milk? How about taking off to bag a big fat turkey and coming home to discover that your wife had appendicitis while you were gone, and you didn't know because you had your phone turned off? How about not taking wife and kids on a family vacation EVER because you need that precious paid vacation for your sacred sport?

      How bout making the person who was so in l

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      SWAMPBUCK 4 years ago

      Or you could just hunt with him, my wife does....

    • donotfear profile image
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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Hate hunters:

      It sounds to me like your stance on the sport of hunting doesn't correlate with your Bf. If you feel so strongly against hunting that it is putting you in a state of near mental breakdown because your BF hunts, it may be time to evaluate if your values are the same as his. It's heart breaking when someone you love changes in a way that is not acceptable or appalling to your norms. Or if the person does something that causes you to lose respect.

      Why not share with him what you are feeling? If this is something he loves to do, not so much for the sport of it but for the "man time" he gets with his long lost buddy, he has a right. But if you are put on the back burner and your feelings are disregarded, you may want to evaluate if you want to spend your life with someone like this. In his eyes, hunting is not wrong; in your eyes it's wrong. You can't change him.

      You are feeling left out and rejected. You have a right to those feelings, they are real. I would seek counseling if I was in the state of mind you are in. Please talk to someone soon. Hang in there!

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      HateHunters 4 years ago

      My partner of three years recently started hunting/fishing, and I absolutely hate it. For the first two years into our relationship he never once mentioned anything about hunting or fishing. The most was he talked a few times about liking to hike.

      Then out of the blue came an old friend (a hunter) of his who he lost contact with twenty years ago. The intrusiveness of this person was a pain but manageable. What I mean is this old friend lived two hours away but inserted himself squarely into my partners life so much so it began eating into "our" time together, which isn't a whole lot. Next thing this guy moves in with my partner because my BF's old roommate moved out to get married. Now last fall suddenly my BF wants to go hunting, wants to go fishing, spends weekends away at this guys parents hunting land.

      I hate hunters, I always have. To me the killing of an animal is not sport, not fun, and I always personally felt that hunters should be shot themselves, that they are lower than scum for slaughtering defenseless animals. Now I'm horribly conflicted. I love my partner, he knows how I feel about hunting, yet it seems like whatever I feel about his friend, hunting, and all the lost "us" time doesn't matter. I'm just being silly when I say it bothers me.

      I don't want to know about the hunting trips, I never ask because I get physically sick thinking about the person I love killing an animal. This is putting a strain on our relationship so much so that I really don't know how much more I can take before I have a mental breakdown. This is not the kind, gentle, person I fell in love with, and the whole situation has got me so depressed lately that I honestly can't get out of bed some days, and end up just sitting crying other times.

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      Overit 4 years ago

      Thank you! Good advice :)

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Way to go, Overit. It seems like you're happy with your decision. I would hope you don't jump into the new relationship too suddenly, with higher expectations. It seem as though you've made peace with yourself. Good luck to you.

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      Overit715 4 years ago

      I've been married for 16 years to a man that is obsessed with hunting. There is a difference between men that hunt a few times a year and have other interests and the guy that only thinks about hunting and fishing 24/7. I'm tired of hearing nothing but that and I'm tired of his redneck friends calling and talking about it constantly. It just makes them all look stupid. Yes, I too once had the attitude "oh that's just what men do".. Until I met a man that didnt. It's nice to feel like I can finally have an intelligent conversation with a man. I never enjoyed the entitled attitude. It's sexist period. Women would never be that selfish and a lot of men aren't. They are better off alone. Soon, he can hunt and fish to his hearts content. Yay him and yay me. Filing this week ;)

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Hang in there, widow lady!

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      widowofhunter 4 years ago

      I am thankful that other people get my position - he knows that I am committed to marriage and the union of marriage - I have tried to have those talks with him about time with me and our marriage - but he does not get it. He believes if we are in the same room we are spending time with each other - seriously one time he said we sleep in the same bed (so I guess he thinks time in my presence is time spend together). Over glorified person - I'll get it just thanks for understanding.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      widowofhunter:

      Oooooooh. This is seriously gross; the behavior. Has he had a moral bankruptcy? It sounds like it.

      Have you told him what you think and feel about this total "oh never mind" attitude toward you and the kids? I mean really TOLD him with a sit down, eye to eye discussion 'this has got to stop' and 'our marriage is in serious trouble'.? He's behaving very selfishly, disregarding you and the children. That was just plain rude.

      Good for you going out to do your own thing with the girls!! Maybe if you plan a vacation that doesn't include him.....hmmmmm. But then, that would be like him. How about "Hon, I'm planning a vacation to *^&^*&, shall I include you in the trip or are you busy?"

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      widowofhunter 4 years ago

      It is awesome to find so many other women who get as mad as me at my husband and his obsession. Last night he said let's watch a movie, kids were all gone I thought okay give this a try. Movie started - call on cell - talk about hunting trip for the day, get a beer, sit on sofa, phone rings again, someone wanting to know about his trip that day, 30 minutes later another beer, and start movie again - 10 minutes (after hearing that he is going hunting Saturday instead of working on my hot tub) phone rings - plans made for Saturday, 20 minutes (and this time I did not stop the movie anymore) another call about the trip tomorrow (and he thinks I want to sit and listen to this shit for what seems like the 15th time so I say go to another room). Finally with his 3rd beer and oh after 10 minutes he is sleeping - awwww - what a great evening together. 7:30 this morning phone ringing and we need to have talk with son, I am told I have to take care of it - guys are waiting for him to get his dogs to go rabbit hunting. No he doesn't want to go to the game tonight (I know it is because he won't be home in time) - okay girls I am going with my friend and he can wonder where his dinner is and his wife when he gets home. I am giving the kids $20 each and they can all go out and eat with whoever they want and I am buying. I am going out with my friends. Grrrrr - can we start a "Widow of Hunter Trip" I am thinking some warm tropical location, where I can get away with some people who realize it's not much of a relationship when you are sitting home by yourself and sleeping in the same bed does not constitute spending time together.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      chrystal,

      Yeah, I get where you're coming from. Sheesh!!

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      Crystal 4 years ago

      My husband also hunts regularly. I don't mind it, honestly. But when he goes to GA for 6-7 days at a time, I am home with all 3 kids by myself. I love my kids! We are a close homeschooling family. However, all moms know how exhausting it can be without help.

      Well, this last time he came home from a 6 day trip, we got into a fight because he told me that when he returns I should be so happy to see him that I give him the best sex of his life. My reply: "excuse me if I don't jump your bones right away. While you spent the last 6 days at our house in GA enjoying quiet, alone time on our 245 acre property, I am home alone. with 3 kids ages 10 months-7 years. Let me have a six day retreat & then maybe, just maybe, I will be refreshed enough to jump your bones the second I lay eyes on you." Sheesh!

      Don't get me wrong I missed him and was happy to see him. I hugged him and had dinner ready when he got home. The trouble started after I put the kids to bed and started that way myself. Ugh!

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      widowofhunter:

      I love your fighting spirit! A massage sounds quite good, especially if you pay for it with his credit card! Hahahah!

      theoutdoorsmanswife:

      Wow.....you really are in the wilderness! I'm glad you've found a way to release the frustration by writing on a blog. I'll go check it out!

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      theoutdoorsmanswife 4 years ago

      I hear you! My husband is so obsessed with hunting I started a blog about it. In addition to the usual putting up with the time and expense related to it and periodically turning my kitchen into a butcher shop, his antics have included (and I kid you not) making me drive out into the bush at 9 months pregnant to haul his 600 pound bear into the truck, taking over his home taxidermy project while he went out hunting some more (gross!), naming our son after the sport, and making it the theme for our wedding. I'm not going to be totally shameless and put a link here (I mostly just wanted to rant), but if you're interested its the username above with .blogspot.com

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      widowofhunter 4 years ago

      Thanks donotfear - I joined a Gym last week and I am feeling so much better about myself. When he goes hunting I go to the Gym - and yes it is 9:30 am on a Monday morning and he has loaded up his dogs - and headed out to hunt again today - darn his dad had a meeting and could not go today but my son's friend is not working yeah - so yes I am heading off to the Gym before I even think about working and making any money and if my back hurts I am calling my massage therapist and getting an extra massage this week - lol. He hunts and I shall spend. Thanks for having this site!

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      widow of hunter:

      Way to go, girl! Bring it on!

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      widowofhunter 4 years ago

      Do not fear has made a valid point, if you don't mind him going off to other states to hunt and you are good with your current because he will only hunt more after you are married. I have a brother in law that hunts all winter (works into his schedule), he has missed Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter holidays and my sister is okay with it because she loves to go away on trips when he is gone. I on the other hand wanted a husband that was there with me and the kids and he knew this and acted like he did not hunt. Then marriage and when I was pregnant with our first off he went hunting, then as time has progressed he is gone all the time - he takes trips that are all over - and he is planning a bear hunt next year in Canada. I did not sign up for this - and did not know - that is what makes me so mad. We also have taken a winter trip with our kids and this year he is going rabbit hunting in Kansas instead of skiing - he says he doesn't really want to ski anymore - it bothers me but I realize that he is not going to change so I am changing and I am going to start taking the trips I want.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Tennessee,

      Honey, why not go with him hunting? Just try it out. Hey, he calls you every day when he's gone; that says something. You need to decide now if this is what you want for the rest of your life. I'm serious, because he won't stop hunting less after you are married. As long as you are happy with the arrangement, follow your heart. It sounds like yall do other things that are fun. go girl! Just make certain that you're okay with this arrangement before the wedding. Have a long engagement to be sure. Good luck!

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      Tennessee 4 years ago

      I'm so glad I found this discussion!!! Seems like I'm definitely not the only one with a hunting obsessed man!!! We're not married yet, and while I love this fellow more than anything, I do get a little aggravated about the hunting. Deer season here started on my birthday (September 22). My family had planned a get together for me that evening. He did go hunting that morning, but was back in plenty of time for my little dinner (I was also gone out with friends that morning, so that was all fine with me). In October, he was gone to Ohio for a week, which didn't really bother me. And of course, there were all the days in between that he hunted here at home. But then, in November, he left for Indiana and was gone for 37 days straight! Granted, his mother does live there, (and he wasn't missing work, because his work is mostly seasonal...he stays very busy in the spring and summer months), and he did help out a friend in a butcher shop on days that he didn't hunt. He doesn't really spend a ton of money on hunting and supplies...he's used the same bow for several years, and can get supplies at cost through a friend of his with a bow shop. But the real issue with me, is feeling like I'm not as important to him as hunting (I know several women have commented about that). If he gets an opportunity to go, he takes off without a second thought. I know that we're not married, and he has no family here that relies on him to be there to take care of them, but I just don't think I could do the same and just up and leave somebody that I loved for 37 days. He says it has nothing to do with how much he cares about me (he tells me that he loves me and does miss me and think about me while he's gone), but that it's just what he's always done (and it has been, for all the years that I've known him). It's something he loves to do. (Not only deer hunting, but turkey, hog, and now he's talking about booking a bear hunt). And he says that if something was planned that he needed to be here for, or something serious was going on, then he wouldn't go. And if we do get married and have children, he says he'll probably just hunt around here at home instead of going out of state for a month. He called me every day that he was gone, sometimes several times a day, but it's still hard to deal with missing someone and not feeling like they miss you as well. He told me that if the shoe were on the other foot, and I wanted to go somewhere, it wouldn't bother him....if it's something I always wanted to do, and got the opportunity, who is he to say that I shouldn't go. I'm trying really hard to understand his point of view, because when he isn't hunting, he always invites me to go places with him, comes and spends time with me, and we both enjoy going fourwheeling or getting outdoors, and just spending time together. Other than the hunting obsession, we get along great! Do you have any advice for getting past feeling like you come in second place to hunting?

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      widowofhunter 4 years ago

      Thanks - I plan to keep checking there are selfish people out there - he has became one - our mid-winter vacation that we have been doing for 15 years has just been replaced with his hunting buddies - you are right it is selfish - so thanks for this forum for me to grow some guts and start living my life.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      widowofhunter:

      Wow, your husband has grown incredibly selfish to plan a family trip then say "oh, well, never mind...." That is the epitomy of tasteless. I'm glad you have a good attitude about it. You have fun too!

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      widowofhunter 4 years ago

      Thank you for this forum!! Okay I need encouragement - I have spent over 20 years with my husband, raising our kids while he hunts, cooking and cleaning while he hunts, waiting on him to get home to go to dinners and then having to sit and listen about the darn hunting thing. He hunts all the time and it is only getting worst. He even travels to hunt can a rabbit really be that important after all we have a freezer full that I refuse to cook. When we dated he did not hunt, oh that's right he was chasing me and he knew because I made it perfectly clear - I was not going to marry anyone who wanted to spend their time hunting all the time like my brother in law does - well surprise - he loves to hunt. My children are not out of the house yet but they are getting older - I just believe we should be doing things with them and actually I would feel guilty if I left them home - although he doesn't have a problem with hunting from sun up to sun down, day in and day out, weeks on trips or whatever it takes to get the next hunt. And yes if it isn't rabbit season there is always deer, dove, or any other animal. Well I hope that I can find the strength to just go and start having fun - I am going to check back here and make sure I do this right. Now what can I fix tomorrow for dinner that he won't like - well maybe I just won't fix anything :) after all can't he fix himself a rabbit. I am mad because we are suppose to have a family trip in Feb. and tonight he just planned a trip 8 hours away for a weekend hunt at a lodge for the same weekend and said well I don't really want to do that trip. (Oh he said I could go with him and his friends but I heard him say "Oh you don't have a cook available that weekend" - are you kidding - no way and I going to be the cook and cleaner for all those men. Have fun sweetie I am just glad there are other women who see my point of view!

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      BurntBack...:

      Way to go, girl!

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      BurntBackMolehill 4 years ago

      This was my Sister's opinion or theory. Her husband was never allowed to leave her home over night unless it was work related. And sometimes she would accompany him. They have no children. So in 30 years he never had a "Man" hobby. She allowed him to watch Porno in their home and says that is how she kept him home. In my life We have raised 3 Children and going on our 6th GrandChild. I Don't have porno in my home. When I told her I found porno tapes at the hunting lease she gave this theory about all these men spending time together for reasons other than hunting. I did research on "latent homosexual". I never heard of it before. I am not going to put my hubby to the tests. Lol

      Okay so bottom line is his hunting and leaving me on week-ends did not bother me so much when I had kids at home. But it has been 6 years that all our children have moved out and I am left with a man who has no outside interest other than hunting. So yes I am trying to decide what I could really be happy doing. I was raised in a musical environment. My Father played Guitars and sang in Small Gigs but it was a happy past time at home. My Brother is doing the same. He has a Day job but then also does Gigs on week-ends. I am thinking hard about investing in nice Electric & Acoustic Guitars and taking lessons. I have already told my husband. I can't make him be more fun but I can make Me be more fun.

      Thanks for that "latent" word. I can now forget about it.

      So next week hubby is leaving to go 10 hrs. away at a Hunting Ranch. He is taking a Customer. Guaranteed deer kill he said. Well maybe if he can get that "kill" he will lose his long face !

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      BurntBackMolehill, maybe the word you are looking for is "latent homosexual"?

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      BurntBackMolehill 4 years ago

      Thanks for your reply. But oh yeah he IS changing and it just gets worse and worse. Before this hunting started he was a different person. If this is how he was back in 1983 I would have never been interested. I have been thinking it is because he is getting older, but I see young women living the same way. I really believe all these men spending week-end trips and week long trips together over time is not a good thing. He has even told me that men don't nag ! Some men just go do a hunt at somebody else's lease or property. This is my husband's lease. I have only went a few times in all these years. to get away from hurricanes mostly. I have found porn tapes before. Hubby told me it was not his, it belonged to one of the members. I asked why would a bunch of men watch that together ? What happens after, ya'll just grin at each other ? Okay so that is my nagging. My sister told me years ago that any man that leaves his woman home other than for work reasons to go bunk out with other men is a homosexual. She said even if he has physical relations with a woman that he can only have a close emotional relationship with men. She said that is a cover up homosexual.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      BurntBackMolehill:

      I hope you find the answer. It's sad that his priorities are not on you or your needs. After all this time, it's pretty plain he's not going to change. I pray you find peace somehow. Get active and involved! Whatever you do, don't enable him.....hey, I know, go get your own hobby that takes up all your time. Take care and good luck to you!

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      BurntBackMolehill 4 years ago

      There was no hunting ever mentioned out of his mouth untill 200o when the company he worked for got a deer lease. Then after the company sold out the lease went over into my husbands name. You would have sworn he won the lotto. Yes it has been feeding his ego "Look at Me" syndrome. This is all year. Spring getting renewals out to members. Summers maintaining grass, fixing stands, feeders. Etc. in 2010 over 5 thousand acres with hunting camps burnt down because of a fire that the wind took out of control. When we got the news he hit the bed depressed. He did not get that upset when I was diagnosed with Crohn's in 2002. In fact he did'nt even have time to notice that I had lost 30 lbs. in 6 weeks and looked sick ! I am again going through a hard time from a drug Humira. Causing muscle inflammation throughout my body. And in all my pain all this dude (can't even say Man) can think or talk about is remodeling his new bunk house or his deer stand curtains are not dark enough and he thinks the deer can see him 30 ft. Up high and that is why he is not seeing a deer lately. He missed my Birthday, not even a card. No ThanksGiving as usual. Then for Christmas he will be a Scrooge. Oh but he is just Honey Boo Boo with his Buddy's ! I always looked forward to this time in our lives that all the kids are out of the house. It has been the most boring time in my life. I need a companion. I like to dance, not him. I like to go to Church, not him. I love my doggies, not him. He has not taken me on a vacation in 29 yrs. In 2008 I planned a Mother/ Daughter trip. Well he whined untill it became Him and Me and my Daughter and her Husband. And even on the cruise he was no fun. Just wanted to relax ! This life is crazy. How Right can it be that a Husband is always making week-end plans with men instead of ever asking his WIFE to go do something. I think the Primal instinct should be "Adam & Eve, not "Adam & Steve" .

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      whatever:

      I already have, honey. Every trip I took, I usually flew across the country on my own, husbandless. Not all of us "hunting widows" are wimps. Heck yeah, I'd take a break from the kids and husband to enjoy myself. We deserve it. Yep.

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      whatever 4 years ago

      You women have got to be kidding me with the oh well it makes him happy BS! When do you disappear without the kids to go on vacations? When do you spend four months and thousands of dollars just doing what you love without responsibilities or respect to your spouse? Are you kidding me - make meals he doesn't like, visit your parents, go to a movie really? Pathetic! How about book yourself a vacation withou him - see how well that one plays out. He will throw a fit. Hunting is not an addiction it is a sport. It is not a disease. The only reason they do is because you all act like it is no big deal the being ignored or devalued because of their "primal instinct" Welcome to 2012 Ladies. This is about being a man and hanging out with the boys. Would you leave your kids and husband behind days on end to fullfill your rpassions?

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Brokemack: If he's lying, that's more reason to mistrust. It's unacceptable. He needs professional help, if you ask me. Of course, I'm sure he would refuse, but it's obvious that guy has serious issues. No excuse for deliberate rudeness......

      Ever heard the term moral bankrupcy? It may fit him. Take care of yourself.

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      Brokebackmountain 4 years ago

      I know. I am at my wits end. If it was just about recreational hunting I would be okay with it cause I am very independent. He is however obsessed. Not to mention he has admitted to lying to me and I have caught him in numerous lies. Yet he said he was sorry and asked that I forgive him. Which I have or wouldn't still be here, however when the lies and temper tantrums continue it's hard to build that trust back.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Wow, Brokebackmountain! You're really angry! But that's okay, get it out. You have a reason and a right to explode. Sounds like you're re-thinking the relationship. I would too. If he's that selfish, makes it hard to love him, doesn't it? Why not try talking to a professional about this, as well as continue with your soul-searching. There comes a time in life when we finally get a belly full and when the other person continues to take, and you continue to do all the giving, then it makes the decision a bit easier. Good luck.

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      brokebackmountain 4 years ago

      Its really nice to hear other women complain about the same thing. My boyfriend is obsessed and has been for years on hunting and fishing. It's boring to me. Broken record one dimensional. He has spent Christmas Eve with his friends on "special" hunts. To the point I am beginning to wonder if it's a Broke Back Mountain ordeal and they are really wanting time away with each other for other reasons than hunting. I mean seriously. No vacations with me yet weeks at a time with a dude in a hotel room snuggling in a deer blind or tree. Are any of you sure that is not what part of the obsession is all about? I'm not. He works hard on those stupid damn tree stands, deer blinds, but bitches if he I ask him to do anything around the house. Seems like a theme here with sloppiness. He doesn't pick up after himself. I too have a career, interest and very independent but I need some companionship here. His obsessions are all time consuming and expensive!!!!! And if you say anything to the spoiled selfish self serving brat he blows up. How dare anyone say anything about his coveted Deer hunting and fishing crap. He has cut back some but resents it. He makes a whopping 32000 a year and spends half of it on this crap and mad cause he can't afford a $40,000 boat. Top of the line hunting crap too. Used furniture, crappy house, but best of everything in his hunting gear. No bars hold on his trips. But I stay home and do nothing cause we can't afford anything after he splurges on his "passion". They all sound like self serving selfish gay jerks to me. I've tried praying for him but when I am wanting to hit him over the head with a baseball bat instead I am not sure if God is responding to that kind of heart.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      WHOKNEW: I'm glad you recognize that this is an addiction and has nothing to do with you, personally. God bless you.....please try to go to counseling, seriously. It's gotten out of hand and you need to talk to someone!!!

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      WhoKnewHub 4 years ago

      Hunting is an addiction when it becomes unhealthy and all-consuming. It's taken years and years for my husband's once healthy "hobby" to become an addiction. It used to be a weekend here and there during deer gun season. Then bow season. Then turkey's. Then leasing land and setting up stands, blinds, posting signs, planting plots, water holes, etc. None of this was a problem and he got my kids involved and they enjoyed it and I thought it was a good thing! But now the kids are older and busy with jobs, college and friends. He's leased more land and spends twice the amount of time away, twice the expense (a freezer full of meat saves nothing when you take off of work to get it!). He talks about deer, turkey, elk, fishing, gun, bow, etc twice as much. I used to joke that he could be chasing women but now just feel like I can't compete with a buck...at least I could with another woman.

      He has missed important childhood and family events. It's become worse now that our kids need us/ME less and I expressed my loneliness but he doesn't seem to care. He's encouraged me to go out, etc., but what he doesn't seem to understand that I can be in a crowded room and still feel alone. I miss him and my marriage. It hit me hard the other day when I was in the ER with my daughter (she's okay) and was talking to him on the phone (on day 3 of his 10 day trip), updating him on her condition, and he asked to talk to her so he could tell her about a deer!! I stayed composed and just said now wasn't a good time.

      I'm very sad because he's always been a good man, great father, and hard worker and not this hunting obsession is turning him into someone I'm not sure I like very much. I could have all the hobbies in the world to keep me busy while he's away but feel as though that'll just make us further apart. Two obsessions are not better than one.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Kitty: Unfortunately, addictions take many forms. Hunting is just another addiction. Thank goodness you recognize it and see it for what it is. It has nothing to do with you, or what you mean to him; it has everything to do with HIM and what his craving is about. There's something about the hunt that grabs them and holds them. I think it's an inherited trait from the past when we were hunters and gatherers.

      You can concentrate on you and staying healed. It's so healthy that you've been able to identify the issue and state it. Hang in there and try to keep yourself occupied. Good luck, stay healthy and God bless!

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      Kittysoftpaws 4 years ago

      Thanks, donotfear. Unfortunately, time is valuable for me due to my previous battle with cancer. I thought that's something he has but he has more time sitting there all day waiting for his game for days without taking a bath when he complains before that he just doesn't have enough time to do his chores, etc. I can't blame him. That's where his happiness lies. I was just too blinded that I even looked beyond his women, tv addiction, messy place, etc. because he showed me a different side of him that I fell in love with. It's different during this season as his oblivious to anything except himself & his hunting. There's a difference between a hobby & making it a life. This is his life. He needs somebody that would overlook his addiction, who doesn't care what he's doing but still be with him. Somebody who wouldn't care when he leaves for days every weekend to go hunt for birds, elks, etc. You know what hurts, he told me before he's lonely being by himself when it's not the case. He's happy just by being that. There's no room in his life. I'm too desperate to push myself in it. I changed my life for him & for a possibility of a family, he will not do the same for me nor will he compromise. He doesn't have time except for himself. I was thinking of holding on for love, but I know he will not do the same for me so what's point? He will just hate me or his kids when he has to forego a hunt for, lets say, his kids football game or some sickness.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Kittysoftpaws, I'm glad you found us, too. Always best to weigh your priortities before you plunge in with both feet. Looks like you've done that. Good luck to you.

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      Kittysoftpaws 4 years ago

      I met a guy, fell in love with him. First time I felt this way & didn't know about hunting obsessions & such. Thanks for the heads up. I think it's better to deal with it now that we're only a little over a year instead of hating myself when I cannot go out of the relationship easily anymore. I want to belong in a complete family which I never had: A husband who would raise our kids together with me & have our kids as his priority. Family is top priority for me. He said he wanted to have kids but his obsession with hunting throughout the year, both our kids & I will not be his priority. Thats the be-all and end-all of his life. I am glad I found this forum. It helped a lot. Thanks everyone.

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      Jimmy Coulbourne 5 years ago from Seaford, Delaware

      This cracks me up. I have to share it with my peeps on http://www.camospace.com

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      krill 5 years ago

      I came upon this page after arguing (again) with my man about his fishing obsession and trying to figure out why I resent him so much for putting me second on his list a majority of the time. I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one living with this feeling. We have been together for a year and our friends warned me I would be alone for days on end while he's out fishing or hunting. Most of the time, I am perfectly fine with him being gone during the week after work. It's actually something I totally love about him because I live for some quality solo time. I am a busy woman, going to school full time and working two jobs... So I look forward to the weekends with my man. It sure is frustrating having the same conversation over and over again about how I'm feeling a bit neglected because he's got the fever to catch a damn fish! Ha, sure I love to eat the things, but I am also surely sick of hearing about fishing when we do get the chance to spend some quality time together!

      I am happy to know this fella does not have "issues" being obsessed with hunting or fishing or whatever other man-things he does. Thank you for reminding me that it's in his nature. Afterall, he IS a man. And I have my life and my hobbies also, I'm just not as crazy about one thing as he is. Just relieved to hear I'm not the only one feeling this way about our partner's hobby!

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      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      Iowa, sounds like you not only have an obsessed hunter on your hands, but you also have a totally selfish man who has no regard for anyone else: except himself. Maybe it's time to think about making a decision. Either stay with the man and deal with it, or leave and make a better life for yourself.

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      Iowa 5 years ago

      I totally get this. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. For him there is no "hunting seasons." Every day of the year is game for some sort of hunting or fishing. haha. I was always fine with it because I liked my space and didn't mind him hunting every weekend as long as we did something at least one evenening a week. I found when I moved in last summer though that I had a very very hunting obsessed guy. When I moved in there were dirty dishes and laundry galore! and he said jokingly...This better be cleaned up when I get back from hunting tomorrow. Since I moved in I am the only cleaner of the house, I figure this is fair though being as it is his house....he is making the house payments(but the mess I had to clean up when I moved in was crazy). The hanging out once a week went out the window when I moved in however though, we no longer do pretty much anything together. He hunts all day every day he has off. If its coon season he'll be completely unseen for a couple of months. We used to do the snuggling up to watch movies togther bit before I moved in. Nowadays when watching tv together actually occurs it is what he wants to watch only and if I try sitting by him he rudely tells me to go sit someplace else. I love that silly guy like crazy and do not wish to leave him. I have talked to him about it, but that just p's him off royally. I don't know how to say that I feel like I lost any kind of spot on his priority list and just want to go back to at least occaiosonally doing stuff together without him getting defensive. I would also like it if he would comprimise in return and occaisonally do something I like with me. I have hunted and fished with him before even though I absolutely hated deer hunting! haha I paid $175 to freeze and be totally sleep deprived for two days and only shoot at one doe which I missed....all in the name of love and getting a chance to spend quality time together. He loved when I hunted with him even though I totally hated it. haha. He has never agreed to going out to do something that I like with me once in 4 years. He even replied last halloween when I wanted to go to this big haunted house with him for fun that he had "better things to do." I'll just say his choice of phrasing that made me one p'ed off chick for awhile after that. Anyway I am ranting. I do not belive that I am being selfish. I just want fairness. It is nice to see that there are many many women who share my frustration. I love my boyfriend to pieces, but his hunting obsession is going to drive me crazy.

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      ShyTown 5 years ago

      OMG this is perfect. I've been with a 100% obsessed fisherman for 2 years now. Didn't know what I was getting myself into until it was too late. I was already in love...

      But now, spending so many days and nights alone (up to 10 days at a time!!!) is really getting to me.

      Yes, I have hobbies, I have friends, things to go out and do, but NOTHING that I am so obsessed with that I would say "Hey honey, I'm gonna be gone for a week, you don't mind right?"

      I actually got so fed up last night while he was gone that I started a "Fishing Widows" message board if anyone would like to join: http://fishingwidows.freeforums.org/index.php

      I also just ordered this book: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-fishing-widows...

      And with fishing season here, I'll have pllleennnty of time to read it!

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      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      littlecat:

      He still needs to do his fair share around the house. It's not up to you to do it all while he plays. Would he do your laundry while you went on a cruise?

      I think you have a point there. Sounds like a good compromise if you want to get really technical about it. Go for it, honey.

      Understanding:

      I'm glad you feel like you can vent here. It's certainly created a lot of interest! It appears your husband is treating you like a maid. I wouldn't wash his hunting stuff, myself. Nor clean up the mess he leaves. That is outright disrespectful and uncaring. I don't blame you for contemplating leaving. Actions speak louder than words here.

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      Understanding 5 years ago

      I didn't realize that so many women out there feel so strongly about this subject! I grew up in a family of deer hunters, so when I met my husband I never thought it would become an issue with us. I didn't realize that the first year we were married, everything would change. The men in my family were recreational deer hunters, they weren't obsessed with it. I assumed my husband was the same, do some hunting for a couple of weeks, bring home a deer, end of story. NOT end of story! He was gone almost the entire month of October and a good part of November. I finally hit the roof because in 2 months we had not done ANYTHING together. And suddenly I was the evil wife because I dared say anything about his deer hunting. I think I was very tolerant. I went for 2 months filling obligations alone, going to work while he took his entire vacation to deer hunt (no family vacations for us - that would take away his deer hunting time). He would come in and mess up the house, leave some laundry and be gone again. When it's over, it's time to start shed hunting. Then it's time to start running trail cameras and scouting. It's not a seasonal thing in my house. It lasts all year long. I have gone from being interested in "who killed what" to despising anything related to deer hunting. The kicker is that my 13 stepson is becoming the same way. It's all he can talk about. We can be at the dinner table and he is turning the conversation into a dialog between him and my husband about deer hunting. When I mention it to my husband he becomes defensive and says "that's just what he's into". I think you are failing your child miserably if that's all he can talk about. Thanks for giving me a place to vent about this. I don't know if the marriage will last or not, I'm trying to be reasonable about this. I don't know if I'm not succeeding or if he really is being completely selfish.

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      littlecat 5 years ago

      Well this has sure been an interesting read! My husband is a hunter, and a fisherman. We have a blended family, his, mine and ours so to speak. We both work full time and I don't hate his hobby because it certainly helps fill our freezer however... I can really relate to feeling like I'm second in his life. But moreover than just feeling second I feel a tad resentful. While he plans his days, evenings, or weeks away I'm at home trying to tend to a full time job of shiftwork, 18 loads of laundry a week. Meals, dishes, housework, yardwork, homework. It's work, work and more work for good old ickky here. It's hard to happily accept this hobby of his when I get zero time for myself and everywhere I look are things I need to get done. I had a hobby once, haven't put my hand to it in four years and can only imagine the immense feeling of relaxation and freedom one must feel to set out on an entire day of "just me."

      I love my man, wouldn't leave him for his obsession. But I am contemplating a suggestion... a compromise. For every hour he spends out immersed in his hobby, I will be home making note of the hours so I can then invest equal time and perhaps even equal amounts of cash on a hobby of my own. This is afterall fair and perhaps might make him rethink the amount of time and money he invests. Any thoughts?:)

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      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      50 Caliber, as usual, you have just given a life lesson, perfectly delivered and well said. Amazing how the worst things in life can't stop a whole person. Dude, you are one amazing son of a gun (I'm sure you have plenty of guns).

      I can't believe the controversy this article has stirred up. Geez, it's like the sounding board for angry wives! Hang on dude. keep em coming/!!!

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      50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

      Holey smokes! This fired off a round of opinion. I'm single, by car wreck, but before that my wife was a complete person with her seasons of ladies nights out, gathering of several for a week in Hawaii and other destinations of things she knew ahead of time and let me know. I then let her know I was an avid hunter and would be hunting, and missing on holidays, I was as well a complete person. We shared other times of the year as avid horse riders with a 4 slant trailer and a motor home front end, between it and the truck, a Dodge diesel we traveled and rode a many trail. She considered the truck hers and the jeep was mine. It was a perfect set up, she might be riding with the girls in Indiana while I was in Colorado chasing Elk and Deer.

      It is sad that there was only one I ever met that liked her likes as I did mine and still held common ground and one drunk driver to spoil it.

      All that sniveling me me me up above is why I'm a single man. I just finished back a month of hunting with my two girls for deer and Russian bore. They are complete people and have their likes and they go for it, and will tell the same, they are single at 36/37 because of controlling men.

      Life is give and take and meant to be fun and happy and trying to force change will never work.

      Peace,

      50

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      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      It's Time: There comes a time when you must ask yourself "Do I want to live with this the rest of my life?" There's no right or wrong answer, it's what YOU decide. If you are willing and able to be happy with a man who seems to enjoy hunting more than spending time with you, then go for it. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you; he's just obsessed with hunting. It's his man-thing, you know, it goes back to stone age men being the hunter/gatherers. It must be some trait, or gene, that's passed down that causes it. Find another interest (or find another man)!

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      ItsTime 5 years ago

      I have been dating a hunter for about 2.5 yrs now. He lives for deer season and has been doing it since he was a boy. He lives about an hour away and works about 12 hrs a day (weekends off) so we see each other about 2x maybe 3x a wk if I'm lucky. That in and of itself has been a huge challenge because he's just not here for me. I have learned to tolerate it over time, but it always seems to come up. This hunting stuff has really made me resent him because our time together is so limited to begin with. I am amazed at how much time he has to hunt in comparison to how much time he has for me. All of a sudden he has all this time. He takes a wk off of work every year to hunt. Then weekends here and there. He also hunts geese as well! It has been a "rare" occasion for us to spend even an entire weekend together because of his busy schedule yet he has ALL this free time to hunt. I resent him because of it. We have talked about it and he tells me that this is something he does once a year and has been since he was a boy. He's not giving it up anytime soon. I agree w/compromise but then feel guilty if he's w/me when he should be hanging with the guys, hunting and he makes sure I know it too! Ugh!

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      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      I'm amazed at the comments this article has stirred up. Keep em coming, this may just be the start of a new era: the disgruntled hunter's wives club.

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      lilmama 5 years ago

      Hunting season is never over!

      If not deer, boars, turkeys, birds, bears,etc....

      so yes i do take it personally. We have kids and i'm the only one who here

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      QueenNobody 5 years ago

      I am with the "No Way" women. Thank you donotfear for addressing a subject that is not normally discussed.

      My husband was not a hunter when we married 12 years ago. His obsession has become progressively more unhealthy. He spends more and more money on gear and gimmicks... and has shot 2 deer in 11 years. He spends every weekend and takes two weeks off from work (at least) every fall for this madness. I am a working woman with interests of my own but there are times when expediency requires his presence at home. When that happens he is terribly resentful to me. Our marriage and the life we have created is priority #1 for me. I expect the same from him. For me the time has come to make my decision: Am I willing to tolerate this madness any longer? I deserve better than his horrible behavior when 1 or 2 days of USELESS hunting is interrupted - say to sign the docs for a mortgage refi.

      This is the first forum I've seen that is not dominated by hunting obsessed men saying, "divorce her". Ya know what buddy? I may take you up on that. *sigh*

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      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      Genfur: It's perfectly okay to be resentful of his time away from you and the kids. Maybe you could compromise on time spent together? Lots of men are like this, they blow everything off when it comes to hunting season. I've just accepted it and go about my daily life not looking for him or his approval to make my life happy. You can do it..and when it comes time for you to have your 'obsession time', go for it and don't look back!

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      Genfur 5 years ago

      I, too, am fed up with the whole hunting thing! It is too much! In the last few weeks my husband has been home only a couple of days and it is all just beginning. He has missed parent teacher conferences, a visit to my sister's ( whom we only see twice a year), a school concert and trick or treating. He isn't thrilled, but WILL be home for one of our kids birthdays. I hate feeling angry and hurt over it all, but I can't help it. I think he could cut it in half and still get way more hunting than anyone should get!

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      donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

      Dear bogie:

      I appreciate your strong opinion. However, this article was written, in part, to be a sarcasm of the 'hunting obsessed husband'. Personally, if he wants to go hunting, go ahead. I have my own interests outside of bowing to my husband. Two people together make a whole, that's correct, but 2 whole people are healthy. I could care less about hunting, hubby loves it. I love to ride horseback, hubby could care less. So that's 2 things we do outside of the box. That's cool.....

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      bogie30 6 years ago

      I don't understand why a women would ever tell another women to put up with all that hunting. Oh ladies, you can't get your man to ever see your side, so just let him walk all over you and control your relationship. Just take care of all the children, the housework and all the responsabilites that come with daily life. Your man shouln't have to fight with you about how he shouldn't have to do any of that and that he should do as much hunting as he wants. Oh and to boot ladies, show as much interest you can, this will surley help you keep your man.

      Everyone is definitely entiteled to their opnion and as many of you who really enjoyed this original post is probably thinking that if I don't like it, I don't have to read it or be in that type of relationship then, right, right, because that is normally how I would be, however, when it comes to prioritizing your family and what should take presadent's, I am not going to roll over and say, yup honey, you do whatever you want, your the man!

      I gave up so much to be a mom and a wife as all us women do and so should he, don't you think? I am not saying don't hunt, don't fish, don't play poker don't have any fun that you used to do before kids and wife, I am saying, prioritize. Hunt two times a week instead of the whole week. Like seriously, you can't really think that that is asking too much or asking him to "give up" what HE loves, it's compromising, it's prioritizing.

      So, my comment is not to make those of you who deal with it feel bad about it, coutose to you for be so supportive that you'll take the back seat, that's what you want, but this comment is for those who know it's wrong and need the support that their feelings are normal feelings and they should stand up for how they feel, regardless. This is YOUR relationship too, you get a say in how your life will be run, not just him running yours.

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      rachel 6 years ago

      I have been married to my hunting husband for 15 yrs., with 2 children. with or without children these points willnever changed. You can cry and complain all hunting season and it will never change. You have to decide what you are willing to put up with. Find something to do while he is gone. Make dinners that he doesn"t like go to a movie that he wouldn't want to see. what ever... It hurts to play second fiddle to anything, but he doesn't mean it that way. men will never see their wives point of view when it comes to hunting and fishing. if you have kids, sometimes it's hard to find a sitter so you can go do what you want, so take the kids go visit your parents or a friend with kids for the wk. end. DO NOT let your husband think you are sitting around waiting for him. Even if you are. LOL. Good luck and remember he does love you. he's just a man with a 1 track mind. PS. When hunting season is over, spend a few days with your man then take a trip for your self. tell him he needs to find childcare if he wants to go anywhere cause you will not be home...

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      Lisa 6 years ago

      I'm married to one now....guess I knew what I signed up for...but now that we're both thinking about starting a family..makes it awful hard when he's hunting/fishing/lure making obsessed and doesn't get that you can't have sex 1 time every 2 weeks and expect to make a baby.

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      Michelle 6 years ago

      I dated a hunter and fisherman for two years. It was very lonely. He hunted all seasons and fished all summer. He was gone two to three weekends a month. I am a career woman, but I want to spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends. When he wasn't hunting or fishing, he was talking about it and preparing for the next trip. His trips were always the entire weekends, if not longer because his boss was a hunting/fishing buddy allowed him time off all the time to hunt and fish with him.

      He started to tell me I was insecure. That I couldn't be alone with myself. He started to make me feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting to spend time together. I began to resent his hobbies because they were his number one priority. I was never going to be top priority.

      Is this unusual to feel this way? Can anyone else relate? Now that we are no longer together, I do miss him. I love him dearly. I start to wonder if I should have been more flexible. He had children with another woman before me and would go several months without seeing his children in order to hunt and fish. Is this normal for hunters and fisherman with children? I would appreciate some insight from other women who live with this.

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      donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

      Well, advise I would give? Why not say, "That's wonderful..would you like to hear about...?" blah blah blah. Just let him talk.

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      DonnaDee 6 years ago

      My guy doesn't hunt anymore because of picking up sheds and doing quite a bit of hunting in his earlier years. But he hikes to find sticks and is an avid fisherman. I encourage him wholeheartedly to do what he likes to do and I go with him at times fishing. When we are at home ALL he talks about is fishing and sticks and the outdoors. I am trying to expand ourselves out to do other things, but he is set in his ways. When we have coffee, all it is about is hunting, fishing, sticks and outdoors. It's driving me crazy. Any suggestions?

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      Deanna 7 years ago

      I agree with freed female. I just filed for divorce after 11 years of being married to a hunter/fisherman.I am a very busy woman with a career and hobbies and I honestly have nothing against hunting or fishing. I used to love to go. Now it makes me want to gag. An obsession is an obsession. Even though hunting is a healthy sport, it should not take priority over your family. Every vacation I have taken in the last 11 years has revolved around hunting and fishing. Our family finances drained by it. Honestly hunting does not end at deer season.... Lets see there is deer, elk, duck, hog, coyote, and in the summer fishing.

      Sorry, I respectful disagree with the main post. Unless your man can remember your anniversary as well as when deer season starts.

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      donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

      debugs: thanks for the comment!