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Husband Hunts Too Much? Advice For The Hunting Widow

Updated on November 19, 2016
donotfear profile image

Annette Sharp holds a BAAS in Behavioral Science from Texas A&M. She is a counselor and motivator with an empathetic heart.

Joined: 8 years agoFollowers: 807Articles: 66
Blood thirsty and defiant!
Blood thirsty and defiant!

You've come to the right place! First, let me reassure you: you aren't alone. Many women face the same dilemma, year after year. A man obsessed with deer hunting can have a negative effect on the family.

But then, again, it isn't always a bad thing. It could be much worse.

He could be an alcoholic, drug addict or abuser.

He could chase women, cheat on his taxes or blow his money.

But he doesn’t do those things. He just hunts in all his spare time during deer season, hog season, duck season, and whatever-other-critters-are-left season.

Now that’s not so bad, is it?

The Positive and Negative Side of Hunting

When you weigh the positive aspect of an obsessive hunter with the negative points of the preoccupation, the positive points far outweigh the negative. How can I say that?

Mainly, hunting is a healthy sport. He gets plenty of exercise hauling a deer stand around on his back for endless miles in the wilderness [sarcasm]. He gets to wade water, climb trees and drag dead carcasses for miles through the woods. Best of all, he can stay awake for long hours with minimal sleep without falling out of the tree stand.

That’s all pretty physical, so it could be called positive, healthy behavior. But how do you deal with a man who’s obsessed with deer hunting?

Follow These Simple Steps

One: Don’t take it personally that he finds deer more appealing than you for four months out of the year. This, too, shall pass.

Two: Indulge yourself in your own hobby and don’t worry about it! You have the right to be obsessed about something, too!

Three: Don’t gripe because he’s away most of the time. Enjoy it! Make the most of the time to yourself! Grab a friend, take a trip, spend money, watch ‘Thelma & Louise’! Enjoy the solitude.

Four: Act interested in everything he says about deer. Ask stupid questions like, “Did the deer run when it saw you?” or, you can ask, “How many Bambi deer did you kill today?

Five: Don’t worry about supper being ready at a certain time. You know he won’t come home at the same time every day. Be selfish. Fix what you want. He can eat sardines and crackers when he comes home.

Six: Last, but not least, tell him the bloody buck is fantastic and you’re proud of him. (Gag, gag, vomit, vomit). Then, you won’t need to stay for the de-gutting process.

Finally ...

Ar you fired up yet? Ready to hit the shopping outlets at full speed? Why not!!!! Every woman has a choice. Make the most of it!

It’s not easy dealing with a hunting-obsessed man. You learn to weigh the pros and cons of both sides of the obsession. Once you learn the balance, you'll come out ahead. Acquire the coping skills needed, follow these suggestions, and you’ll soon learn how to deal with an obsessed hunter.


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    • sunflowerbucky profile image

      sunflowerbucky 7 years ago from Small Town, USA

      Love it!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Just appreciate what you have...

    • Veronica Allen profile image

      Veronica Allen 7 years ago from Georgia

      I love this donotfear. I think these suggesstions can be applied to so many other situations where your significant other is obsessed with other things - for my husband it's his job. This was a fun read!

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 7 years ago from London, UK

      Thank you for your hub and a very interesting point of view.

    • poetlorraine 7 years ago

      yep it could be worse, love your writing style

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 7 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      This is good - my husband is not a hunter but sometimes I wish he was just to have some time to myself!!!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

      Yeah, Cari Jean, I know what ya mean. Whenever I go on a trip somewhere, I tell spousey, "I'll be back Friday". and he says, "All Right!"

    • Elyse Eaton profile image

      Elyse Eaton 7 years ago

      LOL I have to say that your hub aligns closely to my experience with my dear hunting obsessed husband!

    • myhomebusiness profile image

      myhomebusiness 7 years ago from Wells, NV

      You have brought back some memories, fond ones at that. It did get to the point when "if you can't beat them, join them" that is when the fun really began.

      We bought a camping trailer and off the family went. The guys "outta huntin" and the girls and kids out taking photos and nature hunting. Great bonding time

      But for those that don't go along, hunting is not a bad thing, and do find something that you enjoy in the mean time. Hopefully, you're not a football widow too!!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

      Well, glad I've got my own life going on! Doesn't bother me a bit! As for as football goes, it's almost non-existant in my house. Just not my cup of tea.

    • Amanda 7 years ago

      My boyfriend is a hunter. It really gets to me sometimes because he would rather spend holidays hunting than with me. I mean he honestly suggested that he kiss me for New Year's Eve, then head down south to his hunting camp at 12:15 that morning. Am I wrong in being a little upset by this? I don't know what to do to make him understand that it is hurting our relationship. We've been together for a long time, and I love him. I just don't know what to do. I try to have hobbies, but I am a pre medical student so all of my time is spent in class or studying. When I come home for the weekend I would really like him to be on board with spending time with me. Help??!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 7 years ago from The Boondocks

      You can't take away his primal instinct. There's something about being in the woods, stalking the prey & becoming the predator that feeds his need. Because man was the original hunter & gatherer, nature just can't be taken away. Of course, not all men are as into it as ours. It borders on obsession. But hunting season isn't all year. How does he act during non-hunting season? Believe me, I felt the same way the first couple of years, but I now don't care one way or another. He loves it, it makes him happy & we have a life away from each other. He's not going to change what he's passionate about. Nor are you. Why not show up at deer camp ready for the rugged? Have you got a gun? Remember the old saying, if you can't beat em, join em!

    • Art 4 Life profile image

      Art 4 Life 7 years ago from in the middle of nowhere....

      I can so hubby is out hunting constantly ( during deer season) but, I do have some marvelous venison recipes..

    • Freed Female in the south 6 years ago

      I am in the process of a divorce and will not miss the constant talk of hunting and fishing. Men who are obsessed with it should have enough sense to remain single! Never will I ever marry another hunter, it is much worse than being totally alone.

    • debugs profile image

      debugs 6 years ago from Odessey777, Umbris

      hahahahhah.. I love this blog !

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

      debugs: thanks for the comment!

    • Deanna 6 years ago

      I agree with freed female. I just filed for divorce after 11 years of being married to a hunter/fisherman.I am a very busy woman with a career and hobbies and I honestly have nothing against hunting or fishing. I used to love to go. Now it makes me want to gag. An obsession is an obsession. Even though hunting is a healthy sport, it should not take priority over your family. Every vacation I have taken in the last 11 years has revolved around hunting and fishing. Our family finances drained by it. Honestly hunting does not end at deer season.... Lets see there is deer, elk, duck, hog, coyote, and in the summer fishing.

      Sorry, I respectful disagree with the main post. Unless your man can remember your anniversary as well as when deer season starts.

    • DonnaDee 6 years ago

      My guy doesn't hunt anymore because of picking up sheds and doing quite a bit of hunting in his earlier years. But he hikes to find sticks and is an avid fisherman. I encourage him wholeheartedly to do what he likes to do and I go with him at times fishing. When we are at home ALL he talks about is fishing and sticks and the outdoors. I am trying to expand ourselves out to do other things, but he is set in his ways. When we have coffee, all it is about is hunting, fishing, sticks and outdoors. It's driving me crazy. Any suggestions?

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

      Well, advise I would give? Why not say, "That's wonderful..would you like to hear about...?" blah blah blah. Just let him talk.

    • Michelle 5 years ago

      I dated a hunter and fisherman for two years. It was very lonely. He hunted all seasons and fished all summer. He was gone two to three weekends a month. I am a career woman, but I want to spend time with my boyfriend on the weekends. When he wasn't hunting or fishing, he was talking about it and preparing for the next trip. His trips were always the entire weekends, if not longer because his boss was a hunting/fishing buddy allowed him time off all the time to hunt and fish with him.

      He started to tell me I was insecure. That I couldn't be alone with myself. He started to make me feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting to spend time together. I began to resent his hobbies because they were his number one priority. I was never going to be top priority.

      Is this unusual to feel this way? Can anyone else relate? Now that we are no longer together, I do miss him. I love him dearly. I start to wonder if I should have been more flexible. He had children with another woman before me and would go several months without seeing his children in order to hunt and fish. Is this normal for hunters and fisherman with children? I would appreciate some insight from other women who live with this.

    • Lisa 5 years ago

      I'm married to one now....guess I knew what I signed up for...but now that we're both thinking about starting a family..makes it awful hard when he's hunting/fishing/lure making obsessed and doesn't get that you can't have sex 1 time every 2 weeks and expect to make a baby.

    • rachel 5 years ago

      I have been married to my hunting husband for 15 yrs., with 2 children. with or without children these points willnever changed. You can cry and complain all hunting season and it will never change. You have to decide what you are willing to put up with. Find something to do while he is gone. Make dinners that he doesn"t like go to a movie that he wouldn't want to see. what ever... It hurts to play second fiddle to anything, but he doesn't mean it that way. men will never see their wives point of view when it comes to hunting and fishing. if you have kids, sometimes it's hard to find a sitter so you can go do what you want, so take the kids go visit your parents or a friend with kids for the wk. end. DO NOT let your husband think you are sitting around waiting for him. Even if you are. LOL. Good luck and remember he does love you. he's just a man with a 1 track mind. PS. When hunting season is over, spend a few days with your man then take a trip for your self. tell him he needs to find childcare if he wants to go anywhere cause you will not be home...

    • bogie30 5 years ago

      I don't understand why a women would ever tell another women to put up with all that hunting. Oh ladies, you can't get your man to ever see your side, so just let him walk all over you and control your relationship. Just take care of all the children, the housework and all the responsabilites that come with daily life. Your man shouln't have to fight with you about how he shouldn't have to do any of that and that he should do as much hunting as he wants. Oh and to boot ladies, show as much interest you can, this will surley help you keep your man.

      Everyone is definitely entiteled to their opnion and as many of you who really enjoyed this original post is probably thinking that if I don't like it, I don't have to read it or be in that type of relationship then, right, right, because that is normally how I would be, however, when it comes to prioritizing your family and what should take presadent's, I am not going to roll over and say, yup honey, you do whatever you want, your the man!

      I gave up so much to be a mom and a wife as all us women do and so should he, don't you think? I am not saying don't hunt, don't fish, don't play poker don't have any fun that you used to do before kids and wife, I am saying, prioritize. Hunt two times a week instead of the whole week. Like seriously, you can't really think that that is asking too much or asking him to "give up" what HE loves, it's compromising, it's prioritizing.

      So, my comment is not to make those of you who deal with it feel bad about it, coutose to you for be so supportive that you'll take the back seat, that's what you want, but this comment is for those who know it's wrong and need the support that their feelings are normal feelings and they should stand up for how they feel, regardless. This is YOUR relationship too, you get a say in how your life will be run, not just him running yours.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      Dear bogie:

      I appreciate your strong opinion. However, this article was written, in part, to be a sarcasm of the 'hunting obsessed husband'. Personally, if he wants to go hunting, go ahead. I have my own interests outside of bowing to my husband. Two people together make a whole, that's correct, but 2 whole people are healthy. I could care less about hunting, hubby loves it. I love to ride horseback, hubby could care less. So that's 2 things we do outside of the box. That's cool.....

    • Genfur 5 years ago

      I, too, am fed up with the whole hunting thing! It is too much! In the last few weeks my husband has been home only a couple of days and it is all just beginning. He has missed parent teacher conferences, a visit to my sister's ( whom we only see twice a year), a school concert and trick or treating. He isn't thrilled, but WILL be home for one of our kids birthdays. I hate feeling angry and hurt over it all, but I can't help it. I think he could cut it in half and still get way more hunting than anyone should get!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      Genfur: It's perfectly okay to be resentful of his time away from you and the kids. Maybe you could compromise on time spent together? Lots of men are like this, they blow everything off when it comes to hunting season. I've just accepted it and go about my daily life not looking for him or his approval to make my life happy. You can do it..and when it comes time for you to have your 'obsession time', go for it and don't look back!

    • QueenNobody 5 years ago

      I am with the "No Way" women. Thank you donotfear for addressing a subject that is not normally discussed.

      My husband was not a hunter when we married 12 years ago. His obsession has become progressively more unhealthy. He spends more and more money on gear and gimmicks... and has shot 2 deer in 11 years. He spends every weekend and takes two weeks off from work (at least) every fall for this madness. I am a working woman with interests of my own but there are times when expediency requires his presence at home. When that happens he is terribly resentful to me. Our marriage and the life we have created is priority #1 for me. I expect the same from him. For me the time has come to make my decision: Am I willing to tolerate this madness any longer? I deserve better than his horrible behavior when 1 or 2 days of USELESS hunting is interrupted - say to sign the docs for a mortgage refi.

      This is the first forum I've seen that is not dominated by hunting obsessed men saying, "divorce her". Ya know what buddy? I may take you up on that. *sigh*

    • lilmama 5 years ago

      Hunting season is never over!

      If not deer, boars, turkeys, birds, bears,etc....

      so yes i do take it personally. We have kids and i'm the only one who here

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      I'm amazed at the comments this article has stirred up. Keep em coming, this may just be the start of a new era: the disgruntled hunter's wives club.

    • ItsTime 5 years ago

      I have been dating a hunter for about 2.5 yrs now. He lives for deer season and has been doing it since he was a boy. He lives about an hour away and works about 12 hrs a day (weekends off) so we see each other about 2x maybe 3x a wk if I'm lucky. That in and of itself has been a huge challenge because he's just not here for me. I have learned to tolerate it over time, but it always seems to come up. This hunting stuff has really made me resent him because our time together is so limited to begin with. I am amazed at how much time he has to hunt in comparison to how much time he has for me. All of a sudden he has all this time. He takes a wk off of work every year to hunt. Then weekends here and there. He also hunts geese as well! It has been a "rare" occasion for us to spend even an entire weekend together because of his busy schedule yet he has ALL this free time to hunt. I resent him because of it. We have talked about it and he tells me that this is something he does once a year and has been since he was a boy. He's not giving it up anytime soon. I agree w/compromise but then feel guilty if he's w/me when he should be hanging with the guys, hunting and he makes sure I know it too! Ugh!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      It's Time: There comes a time when you must ask yourself "Do I want to live with this the rest of my life?" There's no right or wrong answer, it's what YOU decide. If you are willing and able to be happy with a man who seems to enjoy hunting more than spending time with you, then go for it. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you; he's just obsessed with hunting. It's his man-thing, you know, it goes back to stone age men being the hunter/gatherers. It must be some trait, or gene, that's passed down that causes it. Find another interest (or find another man)!

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

      Holey smokes! This fired off a round of opinion. I'm single, by car wreck, but before that my wife was a complete person with her seasons of ladies nights out, gathering of several for a week in Hawaii and other destinations of things she knew ahead of time and let me know. I then let her know I was an avid hunter and would be hunting, and missing on holidays, I was as well a complete person. We shared other times of the year as avid horse riders with a 4 slant trailer and a motor home front end, between it and the truck, a Dodge diesel we traveled and rode a many trail. She considered the truck hers and the jeep was mine. It was a perfect set up, she might be riding with the girls in Indiana while I was in Colorado chasing Elk and Deer.

      It is sad that there was only one I ever met that liked her likes as I did mine and still held common ground and one drunk driver to spoil it.

      All that sniveling me me me up above is why I'm a single man. I just finished back a month of hunting with my two girls for deer and Russian bore. They are complete people and have their likes and they go for it, and will tell the same, they are single at 36/37 because of controlling men.

      Life is give and take and meant to be fun and happy and trying to force change will never work.



    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 5 years ago from The Boondocks

      50 Caliber, as usual, you have just given a life lesson, perfectly delivered and well said. Amazing how the worst things in life can't stop a whole person. Dude, you are one amazing son of a gun (I'm sure you have plenty of guns).

      I can't believe the controversy this article has stirred up. Geez, it's like the sounding board for angry wives! Hang on dude. keep em coming/!!!

    • littlecat 4 years ago

      Well this has sure been an interesting read! My husband is a hunter, and a fisherman. We have a blended family, his, mine and ours so to speak. We both work full time and I don't hate his hobby because it certainly helps fill our freezer however... I can really relate to feeling like I'm second in his life. But moreover than just feeling second I feel a tad resentful. While he plans his days, evenings, or weeks away I'm at home trying to tend to a full time job of shiftwork, 18 loads of laundry a week. Meals, dishes, housework, yardwork, homework. It's work, work and more work for good old ickky here. It's hard to happily accept this hobby of his when I get zero time for myself and everywhere I look are things I need to get done. I had a hobby once, haven't put my hand to it in four years and can only imagine the immense feeling of relaxation and freedom one must feel to set out on an entire day of "just me."

      I love my man, wouldn't leave him for his obsession. But I am contemplating a suggestion... a compromise. For every hour he spends out immersed in his hobby, I will be home making note of the hours so I can then invest equal time and perhaps even equal amounts of cash on a hobby of my own. This is afterall fair and perhaps might make him rethink the amount of time and money he invests. Any thoughts?:)

    • Understanding 4 years ago

      I didn't realize that so many women out there feel so strongly about this subject! I grew up in a family of deer hunters, so when I met my husband I never thought it would become an issue with us. I didn't realize that the first year we were married, everything would change. The men in my family were recreational deer hunters, they weren't obsessed with it. I assumed my husband was the same, do some hunting for a couple of weeks, bring home a deer, end of story. NOT end of story! He was gone almost the entire month of October and a good part of November. I finally hit the roof because in 2 months we had not done ANYTHING together. And suddenly I was the evil wife because I dared say anything about his deer hunting. I think I was very tolerant. I went for 2 months filling obligations alone, going to work while he took his entire vacation to deer hunt (no family vacations for us - that would take away his deer hunting time). He would come in and mess up the house, leave some laundry and be gone again. When it's over, it's time to start shed hunting. Then it's time to start running trail cameras and scouting. It's not a seasonal thing in my house. It lasts all year long. I have gone from being interested in "who killed what" to despising anything related to deer hunting. The kicker is that my 13 stepson is becoming the same way. It's all he can talk about. We can be at the dinner table and he is turning the conversation into a dialog between him and my husband about deer hunting. When I mention it to my husband he becomes defensive and says "that's just what he's into". I think you are failing your child miserably if that's all he can talk about. Thanks for giving me a place to vent about this. I don't know if the marriage will last or not, I'm trying to be reasonable about this. I don't know if I'm not succeeding or if he really is being completely selfish.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks


      He still needs to do his fair share around the house. It's not up to you to do it all while he plays. Would he do your laundry while you went on a cruise?

      I think you have a point there. Sounds like a good compromise if you want to get really technical about it. Go for it, honey.


      I'm glad you feel like you can vent here. It's certainly created a lot of interest! It appears your husband is treating you like a maid. I wouldn't wash his hunting stuff, myself. Nor clean up the mess he leaves. That is outright disrespectful and uncaring. I don't blame you for contemplating leaving. Actions speak louder than words here.

    • ShyTown 4 years ago

      OMG this is perfect. I've been with a 100% obsessed fisherman for 2 years now. Didn't know what I was getting myself into until it was too late. I was already in love...

      But now, spending so many days and nights alone (up to 10 days at a time!!!) is really getting to me.

      Yes, I have hobbies, I have friends, things to go out and do, but NOTHING that I am so obsessed with that I would say "Hey honey, I'm gonna be gone for a week, you don't mind right?"

      I actually got so fed up last night while he was gone that I started a "Fishing Widows" message board if anyone would like to join:

      I also just ordered this book:

      And with fishing season here, I'll have pllleennnty of time to read it!

    • Iowa 4 years ago

      I totally get this. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. For him there is no "hunting seasons." Every day of the year is game for some sort of hunting or fishing. haha. I was always fine with it because I liked my space and didn't mind him hunting every weekend as long as we did something at least one evenening a week. I found when I moved in last summer though that I had a very very hunting obsessed guy. When I moved in there were dirty dishes and laundry galore! and he said jokingly...This better be cleaned up when I get back from hunting tomorrow. Since I moved in I am the only cleaner of the house, I figure this is fair though being as it is his house....he is making the house payments(but the mess I had to clean up when I moved in was crazy). The hanging out once a week went out the window when I moved in however though, we no longer do pretty much anything together. He hunts all day every day he has off. If its coon season he'll be completely unseen for a couple of months. We used to do the snuggling up to watch movies togther bit before I moved in. Nowadays when watching tv together actually occurs it is what he wants to watch only and if I try sitting by him he rudely tells me to go sit someplace else. I love that silly guy like crazy and do not wish to leave him. I have talked to him about it, but that just p's him off royally. I don't know how to say that I feel like I lost any kind of spot on his priority list and just want to go back to at least occaiosonally doing stuff together without him getting defensive. I would also like it if he would comprimise in return and occaisonally do something I like with me. I have hunted and fished with him before even though I absolutely hated deer hunting! haha I paid $175 to freeze and be totally sleep deprived for two days and only shoot at one doe which I missed....all in the name of love and getting a chance to spend quality time together. He loved when I hunted with him even though I totally hated it. haha. He has never agreed to going out to do something that I like with me once in 4 years. He even replied last halloween when I wanted to go to this big haunted house with him for fun that he had "better things to do." I'll just say his choice of phrasing that made me one p'ed off chick for awhile after that. Anyway I am ranting. I do not belive that I am being selfish. I just want fairness. It is nice to see that there are many many women who share my frustration. I love my boyfriend to pieces, but his hunting obsession is going to drive me crazy.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Iowa, sounds like you not only have an obsessed hunter on your hands, but you also have a totally selfish man who has no regard for anyone else: except himself. Maybe it's time to think about making a decision. Either stay with the man and deal with it, or leave and make a better life for yourself.

    • krill 4 years ago

      I came upon this page after arguing (again) with my man about his fishing obsession and trying to figure out why I resent him so much for putting me second on his list a majority of the time. I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one living with this feeling. We have been together for a year and our friends warned me I would be alone for days on end while he's out fishing or hunting. Most of the time, I am perfectly fine with him being gone during the week after work. It's actually something I totally love about him because I live for some quality solo time. I am a busy woman, going to school full time and working two jobs... So I look forward to the weekends with my man. It sure is frustrating having the same conversation over and over again about how I'm feeling a bit neglected because he's got the fever to catch a damn fish! Ha, sure I love to eat the things, but I am also surely sick of hearing about fishing when we do get the chance to spend some quality time together!

      I am happy to know this fella does not have "issues" being obsessed with hunting or fishing or whatever other man-things he does. Thank you for reminding me that it's in his nature. Afterall, he IS a man. And I have my life and my hobbies also, I'm just not as crazy about one thing as he is. Just relieved to hear I'm not the only one feeling this way about our partner's hobby!

    • Jimmy Coulbourne profile image

      Jimmy Coulbourne 4 years ago from Seaford, Delaware

      This cracks me up. I have to share it with my peeps on

    • Kittysoftpaws 4 years ago

      I met a guy, fell in love with him. First time I felt this way & didn't know about hunting obsessions & such. Thanks for the heads up. I think it's better to deal with it now that we're only a little over a year instead of hating myself when I cannot go out of the relationship easily anymore. I want to belong in a complete family which I never had: A husband who would raise our kids together with me & have our kids as his priority. Family is top priority for me. He said he wanted to have kids but his obsession with hunting throughout the year, both our kids & I will not be his priority. Thats the be-all and end-all of his life. I am glad I found this forum. It helped a lot. Thanks everyone.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Kittysoftpaws, I'm glad you found us, too. Always best to weigh your priortities before you plunge in with both feet. Looks like you've done that. Good luck to you.

    • Kittysoftpaws 4 years ago

      Thanks, donotfear. Unfortunately, time is valuable for me due to my previous battle with cancer. I thought that's something he has but he has more time sitting there all day waiting for his game for days without taking a bath when he complains before that he just doesn't have enough time to do his chores, etc. I can't blame him. That's where his happiness lies. I was just too blinded that I even looked beyond his women, tv addiction, messy place, etc. because he showed me a different side of him that I fell in love with. It's different during this season as his oblivious to anything except himself & his hunting. There's a difference between a hobby & making it a life. This is his life. He needs somebody that would overlook his addiction, who doesn't care what he's doing but still be with him. Somebody who wouldn't care when he leaves for days every weekend to go hunt for birds, elks, etc. You know what hurts, he told me before he's lonely being by himself when it's not the case. He's happy just by being that. There's no room in his life. I'm too desperate to push myself in it. I changed my life for him & for a possibility of a family, he will not do the same for me nor will he compromise. He doesn't have time except for himself. I was thinking of holding on for love, but I know he will not do the same for me so what's point? He will just hate me or his kids when he has to forego a hunt for, lets say, his kids football game or some sickness.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Kitty: Unfortunately, addictions take many forms. Hunting is just another addiction. Thank goodness you recognize it and see it for what it is. It has nothing to do with you, or what you mean to him; it has everything to do with HIM and what his craving is about. There's something about the hunt that grabs them and holds them. I think it's an inherited trait from the past when we were hunters and gatherers.

      You can concentrate on you and staying healed. It's so healthy that you've been able to identify the issue and state it. Hang in there and try to keep yourself occupied. Good luck, stay healthy and God bless!

    • WhoKnewHub 4 years ago

      Hunting is an addiction when it becomes unhealthy and all-consuming. It's taken years and years for my husband's once healthy "hobby" to become an addiction. It used to be a weekend here and there during deer gun season. Then bow season. Then turkey's. Then leasing land and setting up stands, blinds, posting signs, planting plots, water holes, etc. None of this was a problem and he got my kids involved and they enjoyed it and I thought it was a good thing! But now the kids are older and busy with jobs, college and friends. He's leased more land and spends twice the amount of time away, twice the expense (a freezer full of meat saves nothing when you take off of work to get it!). He talks about deer, turkey, elk, fishing, gun, bow, etc twice as much. I used to joke that he could be chasing women but now just feel like I can't compete with a least I could with another woman.

      He has missed important childhood and family events. It's become worse now that our kids need us/ME less and I expressed my loneliness but he doesn't seem to care. He's encouraged me to go out, etc., but what he doesn't seem to understand that I can be in a crowded room and still feel alone. I miss him and my marriage. It hit me hard the other day when I was in the ER with my daughter (she's okay) and was talking to him on the phone (on day 3 of his 10 day trip), updating him on her condition, and he asked to talk to her so he could tell her about a deer!! I stayed composed and just said now wasn't a good time.

      I'm very sad because he's always been a good man, great father, and hard worker and not this hunting obsession is turning him into someone I'm not sure I like very much. I could have all the hobbies in the world to keep me busy while he's away but feel as though that'll just make us further apart. Two obsessions are not better than one.

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      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      WHOKNEW: I'm glad you recognize that this is an addiction and has nothing to do with you, personally. God bless you.....please try to go to counseling, seriously. It's gotten out of hand and you need to talk to someone!!!

    • brokebackmountain 4 years ago

      Its really nice to hear other women complain about the same thing. My boyfriend is obsessed and has been for years on hunting and fishing. It's boring to me. Broken record one dimensional. He has spent Christmas Eve with his friends on "special" hunts. To the point I am beginning to wonder if it's a Broke Back Mountain ordeal and they are really wanting time away with each other for other reasons than hunting. I mean seriously. No vacations with me yet weeks at a time with a dude in a hotel room snuggling in a deer blind or tree. Are any of you sure that is not what part of the obsession is all about? I'm not. He works hard on those stupid damn tree stands, deer blinds, but bitches if he I ask him to do anything around the house. Seems like a theme here with sloppiness. He doesn't pick up after himself. I too have a career, interest and very independent but I need some companionship here. His obsessions are all time consuming and expensive!!!!! And if you say anything to the spoiled selfish self serving brat he blows up. How dare anyone say anything about his coveted Deer hunting and fishing crap. He has cut back some but resents it. He makes a whopping 32000 a year and spends half of it on this crap and mad cause he can't afford a $40,000 boat. Top of the line hunting crap too. Used furniture, crappy house, but best of everything in his hunting gear. No bars hold on his trips. But I stay home and do nothing cause we can't afford anything after he splurges on his "passion". They all sound like self serving selfish gay jerks to me. I've tried praying for him but when I am wanting to hit him over the head with a baseball bat instead I am not sure if God is responding to that kind of heart.

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 4 years ago from The Boondocks

      Wow, Brokebackmountain! You're really angry! But that's okay, get it out. You have a reason and a right to explode. Sounds like you're re-thinking the relationship. I would too. If he's that selfish, makes it hard to love him, doesn't it? Why not try talking to a professional about this, as well as continue with your soul-searching. There comes a time in life when we finally get a belly full and when the other person continues to take, and you continue to do all the giving, then it makes the decision a bit easier. Good luck.

    • Brokebackmountain 4 years ago

      I know. I am at my wits end. If it was just about recreational hunting I would be okay with it cause I am very independent. He is however obsessed. Not to mention he has admitted to lying to me and I have caught him in numerous lies. Yet he said he was sorry and asked that I forgive him. Which I have or wouldn't still be here, however when the lies and temper tantrums continue it's hard to build that trust back.

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